“Dad, you’re here… but you’re not really here.”
That sentence hit me like a freight train. A direct hit from my 7-year-old.
We were playing cards—him, fully immersed in his Uno game. Me, half-heartedly holding my cards in one hand while absentmindedly scrolling through my phone with the other.
“Dad, you’re here… but you’re not really here.”
I looked up. His brown eyes locked onto mine— equal parts sad and frustrated.
I felt like a chair with three legs: you can lean on it, but it won’t hold up for long.
The Day I Realized That “Being There” Isn’t Enough
My name is Thomas, I’m 38, and I have two kids: Leo, 7, and Emma, 4.
Before that moment, I truly believed I was a good dad. After all, I spent time with them, right?
Spoiler alert: I was dead wrong.
I thought quantity was enough.
Turns out, being physically present while scrolling through emails, thinking about tomorrow’s meeting, or mentally drafting a to-do list is the parental equivalent of serving a burger… without the patty. Technically, it looks like a burger, but it’s just empty carbs and disappointment.
So, I tried something new.
A simple change: setting aside 15 minutes every day of undistracted, full-on presence. Not an entire afternoon. Just a quarter of an hour of real, intentional connection.
And the crazy part? It made a difference in just a couple of weeks:
- Leo asked me more questions.
- He came to me more often to play.
- He shared more about school, his friends, and the little things that bothered him.
It’s not about how much time you spend. It’s about how deeply you’re engaged.
What Can We Learn From This?
1. Divided attention is a myth.
Trying to engage with your child while half-scrolling your emails is like reading a book while driving—it just doesn’t work. Research shows that our brains can only truly focus on one thing at a time (Marois & Ivanoff, 2005).
2. 15 minutes of full presence are worth more than a full day of half-presence.
Studies in child psychology confirm that children who receive undivided attention from their parents develop higher self-esteem and greater emotional security (Gottman, 2011).
3. Parenting is not a multitasking job.
Diana Baumrind, a pioneer in parenting psychology, found that children raised in homes where parents are fully engaged and emotionally available develop stronger social skills and greater independence.
The Key Number: 15 Minutes
Fifteen minutes.
That’s it. A simple, achievable goal for any parent. A daily habit that can strengthen your relationship in ways you might not expect.
And no, watching Peppa Pig together while responding to an email does not count.
This Week’s Challenge: 15 Minutes, Zero Distractions
Try it. Seriously. What have you got to lose? Dedicate 15 minutes a day to your child—no distractions, no interruptions.
- No phone.
- No multitasking.
- Just the two of you, fully engaged.
If it doesn’t change anything, I’ll refund you. (Oh wait… it’s free.)
Key Takeaways
- Being there ≠ truly being present. Focused attention is what really matters.
- The human brain cannot truly multitask. It’s 100% focus or nothing.
- 15 minutes of real connection beat 3 hours of passive presence.
- It’s simple, effortless, and it can transform your relationship.
Try it out, and let me know in the comments below — did your child notice the difference?